Renowned relationship coach Lien turns to books to help families

Jill Lien loves people. She loves helping people. And during her 35-year career working with and “coaching” people all over the world, she has learned much about human behavior and how to reach people.

This year, she added a new tool to her tool kit – writing. Her first work, released in July, was the book “WWII: Saving the Soul of a Nation: The Untold Legacy of German Resistance, Moral Courage and the Dangers of Collective Blame.” As described in Amazon, “Saving the Soul of a Nation” is “a profound exploration of the human experience during World War II, focusing on the often-overlooked narratives of German prisoners of war” and “complexity of individual experiences.”

The founder of Big Horn Wellness in her adopted home of Lovell, Lien has learned much about the complexity of individual experiences through her long career as a relationship coach and personal transformation expert. Her tools include clinical hypnosis, BrainWorking Recursive Therapy (BWRT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Processing (EMDR), Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) therapy.

“I’ve got a toolbox of lots of interventions,” she said. “I’m a master relationship coach, a family coaching specialist. I like working with whole families. I work with quite a few whole families.”

New to Lien’s toolbox and authorship this summer was a series of journals and guidebooks designed to help people become the best versions of themselves. The series, each main title being “The Intentional Day,” allows the reader – from children to senior citizens – to work at their own pace, each journal page not given a printed day of the week or date but rather a day to fill in at the top of each page. That way missing a day would not be a negative thing, she said.

The daily journal helps the reader to organize thoughts and actions and plan for the next day in a positive manner.

For instance, the “Fun Journal for Growing Kids” helps a child to name his or her feelings, express gratitude, tell what happened on that day such as “Today I was kind to…” and look forward to tomorrow. The journal for teens explores feelings, positive affirmations, daily goals, priorities and intentions, self-appreciation, gratitude and challenges.

There is also a general journal for a “journey to optimal health and wellness,” a scripture-based journal for emotional balance and inner peace, a scripture based journal for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” a journal for navigating college years with purpose, a journal for embracing the golden years with purpose and vitality and a family harmony meeting journal.

Each journal has a specific purpose, Lien said. Of the journal for teens, for instance, she noted, “I did this one to help them navigate life, dreams and identities. They don’t know who they are. They don’t. It’s stress relief techniques, the Pomodoro Technique. It’s how to learn, affirmations, … mindfulness, that kind of stuff.”

For the college journal she said, “It’s how to budget, core beliefs and values, the Eisenhower matrix, stretching your precious money, useful time management ideas, what happens when you feel homesick, that kind of stuff.”

And for the journal on people in their golden years, she said, “We get forgotten, right? Old people get lonely because they are often widowed. And so I thought, ‘I’m going to do a journal for them,’ and for the beginning, honoring our losses, you know, so it’s relevant to them.

“This one is different, because it’s really important for them to get the heck out of their houses and to get exercise and to have friendships and relationships. … And so, again, it’s not dated. But, you know, ‘I had coffee with Edna’ or whatever it is, I think it’s important.”

New trio

Lien’s three latest books were all released at the same time in late October and are designed to help parents by giving them techniques to work with their teens and younger children – drawing on her experience working with people all over the world, from Lovell to Boston to Thailand.

“I’m all about giving tools to parents,” she said. “It’s like teach a man to fish or give him a fish. I’m a big believer (in teaching).”

About 80 percent of her coaching work is via Zoom, she said, and she speaks at numerous conferences all on the same topic, but approached from different angles, she explained, “which is working with families, working with teenagers, working with suicidal ideation and working with families who have lost a child.”

She continued, “80% of parents who lose the child for whatever reason end up getting divorced. It’s a whole or a very complicated scenario there. And so another one of my objectives is, if you have lost a child through a road traffic accident, whatever it is, let’s work on this together. Let’s not be in our corners.”

Lien, herself, lost her son to a drowning in 2002.

“It’s a while back, but you never really get over it,” she said. “You learn to live with it. And if you don’t have someone to help you with the skills, or you’re not qualified in it, which I was, to know those stages, because they’re on it … The five stages of grief do not exist. The person that first announced that they did (exist) retracted it within a year, because you can have every single stage of grief within an hour. You can have the last one first.

“They’ll hit you broadside quite when you least expect it. And so I think that when people read about the five they’ll think, ‘Oh, that’s fine. Now I’m not going to feel that anymore.’ That is not true.”

Lien’s three new guides for parents are:

• “The Harmony Protocol – A Guide to Understanding and Supporting your Teen.” As described by Amazon: “Are you struggling to connect with your teenager? Do heated conversations end in slammed doors and silence? Perhaps you’re worried about their social media use, dropping grades or changing friend groups. Or maybe you’re simply feeling overwhelmed by the rapid emotional shifts and growing independence of your adolescent child. You’re not alone – and there is hope.

“’The Harmony Protocol’ offers a refreshing, science-backed approach to navigating the complex terrain of modern teenage development.”

• “Weathering the Storm – A Proactive Guide for Navigating Adolescent Suicidal Ideation.” (Suicidal ideation is a person thinking about, considering or feeling preoccupied with the idea of death and suicide.”

Says Amazon about the book: “Are you concerned about a teenager in your life showing signs of depression or expressing thoughts of suicide? Do you feel overwhelmed, uncertain and scared about how to help? You’re not alone, and there is hope. ‘Weathering the Storm: A Proactive Guide for Navigating Adolescent Suicidal Ideation’ provides essential, science-backed guidance for parents, educators and caregivers facing this critical challenge.”

“Weathering the Storm” addresses the difficult but important topic of teenage suicide.

“People in my industry generally don’t like working with teens, and they say, ‘Don’t go anywhere near suicidal ideation.’ And it makes me cross. And I remember asking one person, ‘Why not?’ And they said, ‘It’s too hard’ And I was like, ‘Wow, we need to do the hard things sometimes, don’t we? What is too hard working with teens?’ They said, ‘We don’t like working with teens.’

“I love working with teens. Heck, I was one. Everyone was one, right? So I wanted to tackle suicidal ideation, because I thought that’s a really tricky thing. So I wrote on that, wrote that one at the same time as the ‘Harmony Protocol,’ which is teaching parents how to speak to their kids, how to see the signs that something’s wrong, when to go talk to a professional, how to pick a good professional, all of those things.

“(‘Weathering the Storm’) is entirely suicidal ideation, but it talks about the neuroscience behind it and all of that. (‘Harmony Protocol’) covers things like overuse of your phone, social media, self-esteem, bullying. So it covers a more broad spectrum.”

• “Moonbeam Metaphors – A Guide to Nighttime Nurturing.” Amazon says: “Is bedtime becoming a battlefield? Are you exhausted from dealing with your child’s nighttime fears, anxiety and endless ‘just one more minute’ pleas? Do you wish there was a gentle, effective way to help your little one transition from worry to peaceful sleep?

“Introducing ‘Moonbeam Metaphors: A Guide to Nighttime Nurturing’ – a revolutionary approach to transforming bedtime struggles into precious bonding moments. This isn’t just another storybook; it’s a science-backed tool that works with your child’s subconscious mind to plant seeds of courage, confidence and calm.”

“Moonbeam Metaphors” is interactive, organized in 25 chapters to deal with a variety of issues from bed-wetting, thumb-sucking and picky eating to feelings of anxiety, temper tantrums, moving to a new home and dealing with grief and loss.

Each chapter contains multiple stories with a discussion guide and activities to reinforce each story’s message and tips for parents.

“In the middle of writing (the other two books), I woke up one morning and I thought, ‘What about the little kids?’ And that’s what that one is for,” Lien said. “So basically, there are, within that book, 25 different problems. I thought, ‘What are the top 25 things that people struggle with, with the younger children?’ Because if we can get the younger children feeling good, maybe they won’t turn into the teenagers that don’t feel good. And so what I worked at --25 different topics.”

Lien’s next book will tackle similar issues from the opposite angle – how teens can understand their parents, rather than parents understanding their teenagers. It should be published by Christmas. She’s also working on a novel, her first, a love story set in England during World War II.

Finally, she’s also writing a book for therapists based on a six-month program dealing with overcoming compulsive eating. The program begins in February, and the book will follow at the end.

The books are all available on Amazon.com, and she also has a few copies with her at her home in Lovell. Prices vary.