The conversation I would have with my younger self

It’s not possible, so I’m telling you, dear reader. Where to start? First, I would say to my youthful naive self, “Slow your roll. On everything. Remember how you were in such a rush to get through high school? To have a relationship with a boy? Yes, boy. Your first loves were no more men than you were a woman. You were in a rush, always, to get to the next thing. And then what? When you got there, you were lost.”

It was like math classes in junior high school (what’s now called middle school). You were placed in the highest academic classes with the top students. The teachers would throw the toughest curriculum at you, and you’d flounder along. Then, when you finally figured it out and were just starting to master the concept or equations, the class moved onto the next thing. It was an ongoing struggle getting your feet under you.

“Life was like that for you, too. It happened to you, instead of you choosing your path, for the most part. But you thought you were in charge. You weren’t. Not as much as you could have been. Mostly, you were in your own head too much. You didn’t lean on anyone, didn’t ask questions, didn’t think you had resources. And maybe you were right. It’s too late to know if that was true.

“If you would have tapped into some outside wisdom and financial help, you might have gone into college earlier on or enlisted into the military. Maybe both. Become a veterinarian for the Air Force or something. Maybe gone West (young woman) and gotten a federal job. And have been out here in Wyoming as a young woman, which you’d vowed was your goal after visiting when you were 10 years old. Your life would have been so much different. Different. But better? Unknown, but probably.

“Your best and proudest achievement is undeniably your son. Would a different path still have included him? Unknown, but unlikely.”

Hindsight being 20/20 is still a pointless endeavor. We all have to fly by the seat of our pants, employing our best life skills in the moment as life whizzes by. Planning is good, if the world behaves. For me, it didn’t. A plan would have never taken me down this road. I couldn’t have imagined the end goal as this.

I have a good life, lots of blessings. It’s a keeper. No matter the trials I went through to get here.  Find your blessings. That’s the focus. There’s not a way to change the past or change the choices you made once you carried them out. Look back on them with an eye to make yourself smarter, a tad wiser. 

Luck is really just being prepared to take advantage of an opportunity when it comes your way.  Be prepared and keep your eyes open.That’s the best advice I’ve got for myself. Good luck to you on your journey.