Death cleaning: Dealing with belongings of another

FYI: Death cleaning, or döstädaning, is a Swedish decluttering process focused on simplifying your life to make it easier for loved ones to deal with your belongings after you’ve gone. It’s not a one-time event, but a continual practice of downsizing possessions, organizing finances and conversing about end-of-life wishes with the aim of freeing yourself from excess clutter.

Do I have your attention? I hope so because of a distressing experience I had early this year that you might want to avoid.

It began with a phone call from my only sibling, brother Steve, approximately 6.5 years my junior. He phoned to advise that he had been taken by ambulance to a hospital in Phoenix after collapsing in Yuma.

This was shocking, as I knew that he was not in the best of health, but not doing too badly. I wished him well and asked how I might help. He replied that he had contacted my daughter, whom he had long ago appointed his executor. She and her husband, who live in Washington state, already were on their way to Phoenix from Seattle.

They were with him a long time, finally transferring him to a Phoenix convalescent care site and then hospice care because of his prognosis, which was not good. But during the time they stood by him and dealt with a number of situations, the decision was made to go to his home in Corpus Christi, Texas, to prepare for the possibility of his returning. My brother had told them that he wanted the place “fixed up” and for them to use their own judgment as to how to proceed.

I flew to Corpus, as the residents call it, and we found a vast, literally overflowing horde of clothing, musical instruments, books, glassware, collectibles, vinyl records, CDs, DVDs, furniture, paintings, photos and more. What we found was astounding. And as my brother’s condition continued to deteriorate we realized that he would not be returning.

As executor, my daughter decided that it would be best to prepare the three-bedroom, two-bath dwelling with an attic and a two-car garage for sale. It took the three of us eight days working steadily some 10 hours daily to clear and clean the house. All the closets, rooms and dressers were crammed with belongings, and the garage was packed to the ceiling.

We planned to return to our homes the day after Easter, as we had accomplished our goal. On April 20, Easter Sunday morning at 4 we were notified that Steve had passed. It was a sad day, but we were grateful that his suffering was over.

Since returning home I have adopted the death cleaning philosophy. I do not want my family to go through even a fragment of what my daughter, son-in-law and I had to go through. It was agonizing to sort through the belongings and decide what to do with them.

My brother and I differed in many ways, including our political views. But he was loved and would have turned 74 years old November 20, the date of this issue. I miss him.