Romance Scams Part II: Victim shares experience to help others

Jane Doe didn’t want to use her real name because, like many others, she felt embarrassed that she fell victim to a catfish scam. She agreed to an interview with the Lovell Chronicle because she thought it might help others. Embarrassment is one reason law enforcement officials believe this type of scam is underreported. 

Ironically, Doe wasn’t looking for love. A family member signed her up without her knowledge on a dating site, with the best of intentions. Doe was instantly inundated with a flood of messages.

“Friend requests started popping up from unknown entities,” she said. “They were persistent, and it seemed rude not to respond. It was mostly lonely men just looking for a friend. I could handle that.”

After a while she noticed similarities in the messages, but with no online dating site experience whatsoever, the messages still seemed quite innocent to her. So, she proceeded with a certain degree of caution.

“I researched each request and after corresponding for a while, noticed several phrases, questions and responses they had in common,” she explained. “It was like they all had a little instruction book and outline telling them exactly what to say, same questions, same answers. ‘Hello. How are you? What are you doing right now?’ ‘What do you like to do?’ ‘What are your hobbies?’ ‘Do you like movies?’ ‘What is your favorite movie?’ ‘What is your favorite color?’ What kind of music do you like?’”

She noticed very persistent requests for photos. Up until that time she had never posted anything on a social media page including any photos. 

It was fun at first, meeting new people, many with interesting life stories. 

“All presented themselves as widowers from happy marriages with daughters between the age of 9 and 14 (one also had a son),” Doe, a widow herself, explained.

She said most had no other family except for children and all the children were in boarding school. All respondents claimed they had impressive careers as orthopedic surgeons or engineers, who were working  and/or consulting with overseas oil companies. Most were retiring soon, liked to travel and had lived all over the world. Many were religious and looking for a partner who was, too.

She said her age or financial status didn’t seem to make any difference to any of those who approached her. They made her feel appreciated for who she was. She noted that some even told her they loved her and missed her, though none had ever met her in person, which she thought was a bit odd.

She described online dating as “entertaining.” With the exception of one local individual, she never met any of her suitors in person. Most lived outside the area or were out of the country. 

The Federal Trade Commission estimates half of the profiles on dating sites are linked to scammers, so it was inevitable that Doe would end up corresponding with at least one. In hindsight, she estimates it was more like a dozen. 

One online suitor piqued her interest: a gentleman from California. He created a profile that made him seem like a regular guy, gainfully employed, travelling to a foreign country in connection with his work. Doe noted he didn’t ask for money at first. Instead, he built her trust, over the course of months, mostly through text messages. He even sent her flowers, at one point, and music, which made him seem very genuine and sincere in his intentions. 

Like many Wyomingites, Doe is a kind and giving person, so when a crisis called for action, she willingly offered a helping hand. What she didn’t know at the time was the crisis was manufactured and a ploy to prompt her to give financial support. Within a few short months, she had fallen into a trap, sending what she described as “more money than she could afford” to a person she believed, at the time, to be a friend in need.

Doe was one of the lucky ones who, with the support of her family and her local financial institution, didn’t lose everything. Though it hurt to be duped in this way, she said she doesn’t feel resentful. She sees it as a life lesson and hopes to pass on what she learned to others to help them avoid a similar or worse fate.

She said she learned that scammers are like “fast-talking salesmen, with a sob story” and cautions others not to trust them. She also learned the hard lesson that “Bitcoin is like Monopoly money.” Fake. She said her experience is a testament to the old adage, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn’t true.”

She advised others to “learn from others’ mistakes and try not to make them your own. Listen to bankers and law enforcement. They are your friends and are there for you.”

Most of all, she said, she refuses to be bitter. 

Scams are profitable

Big Horn County Sheriff Ken Blackburn noted that scammers, like other criminals, wouldn’t perpetrate scams if it weren’t of some benefit to them. He recounted a story where he was sitting in a victim’s house talking to them about a scammer, when the scammer called. He said he actually spoke to the scammer directly on the phone, asking the scammer how often he made money doing this. The scammer replied, “It works more often than you can imagine. We make a good living doing this.”

 Blackburn said, “If people weren’t making money at this, they wouldn’t do it. These scammers are very good at this and very good at their craft. It is important to be alert and vigilant because the back door to our fortress has been opened with a fiber optic line that allows people to come directly into our homes through the internet. We are not as safe in our castles as we once were.”

He said it is possible to find love on the internet, but “the odds are against it” and cautions those choosing to pursue relationships this way be vigilant and verify information about the individuals as much as possible, because, in his view, navigating a dating site is “like jumping into known shark-infested waters.”

Blackburn said he’d rather visit with a victim and talk to them about their concerns while the scam is still in the “campfire” phase, before money is sent. He explained that once it becomes a forest fire, it’s a lot harder to deal with, especially once money has been sent, since it’s usually impossible to recover it.

“Without having a physical suspect, it’s almost impossible for local law enforcement to intervene,” he explained. “Money transferred through the web is often laundered through various means, making it almost impossible to recover. It’s difficult for us to deal with, since the resources we have to deal with it are very limited. Additionally, we run into jurisdiction issues, with the victim here and the predator somewhere else. It becomes an FBI issue, and they are extremely overwhelmed with this type of stuff right now.”

Blackburn also cautioned that those victimized are often placed on a “suckers’ list” that is sold to other scammers, so, they shouldn’t be surprised if they experience an increase in attempts by scammers.

“Once they have your IP address, they sell your name to other scammers as a possible target,” he said. “They do this on the dark web, and they make a lot of money selling your information.

He added, “I’m not telling people to lose their trusting nature, but they do need to know when to trust and when not to trust. Anytime you’re interacting with someone over the internet you shouldn’t trust them entirely. Instead, you need to verify who they are and what they say in any way you can. The best way to do this is by reaching out to people and organizations you do know and trust.”

Red flags

Some of the red flags to watch for when communicating with a possible scammer include: The person wants to communicate off the site you met them through and on to a less regulated site like WhatsApp. They lavish you with attention and compliments and tell you they love you right away. They are in constant contact. They need money for an emergency or have a too-good-to-be-true investment opportunity that needs immediate attention. They have an excuse for not being able to meet in person. You receive what appears to be an accidental message from someone you don’t know, trying to befriend you.

They request intimate photos. They ask for money or give you a sad story that makes you feel like helping them out financially. They create a crisis or emergency that can only be solved if you send money immediately. They ask you to send money through unconventional means like gift cards or crypto. They ask you to keep your communication with them a secret.

In a recent study, the Better Business Bureau found that 30 percent of people using dating sites encountered scammers. Though all age groups get scammed, the AARP cautioned that older adults are considered good targets by scammers because they often have retirement accounts, property and savings that they have accumulated over a lifetime.

Blackburn urged victims to report scams to law enforcement. Though there’s often nothing that can be done to recover the money lost, it is helpful to know what scams are out there, and it helps authorities keep the public informed. 

(Editor’s note: This story is part of a two-part series about romance scams.)