Wonder if cavemen had been vegan?

Suppose our first bipedal human ancestors -- Australopithecus, Homo erectus, Homo neanderthalensis, Homo sapiens -- weren’t so good at hunting and opted for veggies, seeds, roots and tree bark. Maybe some bugs.

First of all, our modern human skull and teeth are specific to an elite diet of high protein and low-fibrous diets, i.e. cooked meat and foods. Our teeth evolved into thin, little shovel shapes. They wouldn’t stand up well to a lifetime of munching hard seeds, raw roots and leaves. Take for instance the skulls of gorillas. They have huge muscles connecting the lower mandible to the skull because they chew-chew-chew all day long on vegetable matter to get enough calories to survive and thrive. Their teeth are big and thick, designed to hold up to this sort of dental abuse.  So, our faces and heads would look more like theirs in this case.

So, our ancestors have gorilla heads. They would stay in jungles and terrain that grows massive amounts of vegetation. There is a theory that humans became bipedal (walking/standing on two legs) because we ventured out onto savannahs to hunt and had to stand to see above the grasses. Running was required as part of the hunt. So, we might well have stayed crouched over, knuckle-walking like chimps, as we scavenged for tender plant shoots, leaves and mosses. At this point, we as a species aren’t looking too shiny. But let’s suspend anthropological theory.

Say we learn to cook, grind grains into flour and meal, find a protein source (maybe bugs and worms and eggs, a fish or two. That wouldn’t tread too heavily on a vegan protocol, would it?).  We feel like exploring and can haul around the foodstuffs we need. We’ll wrap it in banana leaves, yah? So are we killing predators who attack us slow, fleshy creatures? Or do we take our losses and do our best to hide and camouflage ourselves from the carnivores on the planet? Maybe we live in trees, as well as caves. If we do fight back and kill these beasts, then why wouldn’t we hunt and become carnivores ourselves? OK, so we are prey, not predator.  We learn to plant and raise crops. We become agronomists and figure out irrigation so we can move out of the jungles.

We likely wouldn’t have carnivores for pets as feeding them would be abhorrent to us.  This means no cats, the only true carnivore species. Feline physiology requires cats to be obligatory meat eaters. That’s a hard stop for me on this veganism theme. But it’s not about me. Canines are omnivores and survive on vegetables, bugs and so forth, but they wouldn’t get very big without a consistent high protein source. They’d probably be small, the biggest being maybe the size of a beagle.

Yet, if they were going to roam about and guard us and our crops, they would likely consume their own kills of rodents and other marauding small mammals and reptiles, kill or be killed (and eaten) being the law of the wild. But we humans wouldn’t have to watch it, so we’d be OK with it. Probably. Coyotes would likely evolve. Of course.

Likewise, humans wouldn’t be very big. We’d be small in stature. So, if the whole of our species kept to veganism, I don’t see any use for there to be fighting much between ourselves.  We wouldn’t have the stamina or energy for prolonged warfare or pushing ourselves to be conquerors of territories or civilizations. Why? Our populations are too engaged with survival from predation, low birth numbers and the struggle for adequate calories. We would spend most of our waking hours eating plant stuff. We wouldn’t have enough protein for the massive muscles needed to become warriors. Or to build civilizations. We’d remain random tribes, not expanding beyond our immediate indigenous regions. So, yah, we’re a weakling species in the animal kingdom.

Let’s say brain power overcomes that pesky vegetarian-induced physique. The problem with that theory is that those who developed brain power would likely figure out animals that ate meat grew muscular, big and strong. Carnivores’ and omnivores’ offspring survived in greater numbers and grew faster to adulthood. They had energy and speed. They were predators. So, those tribes might experiment with that, incorporate meat into their diets to improve their lives, their longevity and their children’s longevity and success as a people. They’d discover they didn’t need to devote themselves to eating plant material all day long.  And there goes veganism out the window.

Probably for the best. Anyone for a good burger? OK, and fries and a shake. Omnivores unite!